OK, I give up.
You are not my skanky brother Charlie, he'd like my insinuations about inbreeding and probably post rude limericks in response. Judging by your IP address you are somewhere around Hampshire and only a pom would use words like marvellous and bedraggled. You're not my Granny are you?

In short you could be anyone so don't be shy, I'm not. Even though nobody has found the picture of my bum on this site, yet.